No Matter What You've Done

When I was a kid, my family would travel a few hours away from my home in Detroit to my grandparent's farm in the middle of Michigan. Remus, Michigan to be exact. You can find it on google earth at 4403 Ten Mile Road, Remus, Michigan. There on the farm, we were able to do stuff that you couldn't do in the sprawling concrete jungle of metro Detroit: shoot bb guns, ride minibikes, jump out of haylofts, pet cows, drive old pickup trucks in great big fields. It seems that out there, parents kind of let you roam a little further - further into the woods, further into silence, further into maturity.

I remember one summer I was walking around with a bb gun. It was a bad summer for me and the bb gun. I shot a blackbird that I was just trying to scare, and I shot out the window of my grandpa's 57 green chevy pickup. Both were bad choices. Both were discovered soon after by my elders. Both left me (and them) with this sinking feeling of "uh-oh; why on earth did I do that?" The bird later died. The glass was never repaired. The world was changed by my poor judgement. Sound familiar? These are the cute-"everybody's got to learn"-coming of age stories. Unfortunately, we homo-sapiens don't learn very well. As I've shared with select people over the years, there are many more sordid tales of damage to property and hearts, caused by my hands, my words, my 'momentary lapses in judgement'.

I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one out there who has experienced this. Where do you go when you've let them down? Where do you go when your actions wound? In the ancient story of a king who used murder to conceal a sordid affair, the king laments to God, "Against you and you alone have I sinned, Lord God." But I don't think the sin against God hurts near as much as consequences of harm done to one another, which throws mankind collectively and individually into what some have termed the 'dark night of the soul.'

What I want to know is: when and how, under what circumstances, does dawn break onto such a dark night, no matter what you've done? Some would say that time heals all wounds. I hope there is a more powerful potion than the passing of time.

More to come . . .don't lose hope.